Love letters

Love letters…

Samy,

Have you noticed fireflies sparkle in the dark? You should, they remind me of you, of that spark you sprinkle in my dark. With that signature laughter ringing in my soul more then in my ears. I swim as comfortable as a fish in your waters, my beautiful, kind Picean friend. I ve planted you as an evergreen tree right here in my backyard …you make me happy.

Love

Vasu,

There are so many things to tell you, I d tell them all to you for the rest of my life, every day of my life, one thing at a time. In words, in prayers, in thought. I ve learnt to build a permanent aquarium in my soul for a crab. Who would have thought? With you I reach beautiful depths and spectacular heights. So much of place you have rightfully stolen in my heart. Somehow I see this road stretch endlessly ahead of us…

Love

Nam,

What would I do without you babe!! You are the funny bone in my body, which trembles with laughter every time I need one. The pillow I fall back on in blind faith when I am heavy with sleep. You are so many things I cannot live without. Tell me this. How is it that we cling to each other being creatures of different species? It must be the kind of love that can reach beyond the abyss of differences. I see you hover over me like the lingering light of the sun every day of my life when the night should come, always to come back to me the next day.

Love

Bojo,

Some things are and always are, and cannot be changed like, like the promises made and the future that has been already born from a past that lives in the present. You left footprints, not on sand, but on flesh and blood that still throb with life. Tomorrow I will feel again this warmth of the furnace that still burns for me. My friend, my guardian, walks with me.

Love

Karthick,

Its strange how life throws us in each others path in unexpected intervals ,as if reminding us to take notice of eachother.I did take notice, you resemble a gentle philosopher clown with a pleasant magic trick or two under his sleeves, to make my life a notch more happier. There are horizons that curve down unknown plains…we should take a trip sometime.

Love

Sachin,

Words don’t come that easily at the thought of you. Because words come out of thought, and you are all emotion. And what does one do when flooded with love? We must have been friends many a lifetimes before, because in this one we repeat our selves in this well practiced love story. I think what to pen down next, about you, about us, but how can I bottle up this ocean? I fail miserably; to me you always are….. You stand as my lighthouse, calling me safely to shore, don’t let me go, or my ship is lost…

Love

Bro,

Resurrect all that is dead. Come Back to me. Come back to HIM.

Love

Mamma,

Life is all that it is, only because you flow in my body, as my life blood.

Love

Dear soulmate,

Find me…………………

Love.

Irrevocability revoked….

Tonight a friend walked into out of my life…or should I say walked into my life? Yeah walked into my life would be perfect…walked into my soul, taught me a lesson or two about what this life does to you…complexly magical things. Life makes you stop and look back sometimes. Looking back is good. It helps you move on sometimes.

We met 6 years ago, he was my senior in colledge.just one of those several people I got introduced to over the weeks..No big deal. This tall, lanky guy with his head in the clouds or so I thought. A couple of conversations, small talk, distant nods and smiles was all that passed between us for a couple of years. Later in under grad, he was still just another obscure, unnoticed part of my life with a face that gave away nothing.

A few long conversations over lunch and there wasn’t much of an impression happening on either side. Months and years went by, in silence, in scanty acknowledgment, in chanced meetings. Then a year back, the cosmic energies seemed to conspire in our favour.. We reconnected, in a strange way.Hours of conversations only disagreeing with each other on just about everything, arguing which one of us was right, trying to convince each other about what we believed was gospel truth. That was what our friendship was all about. All this with a little bit of the cosmic magic thrown in that dint let us bite off each others head.
We shared a lot of respect for each other though, how I don’t know since we were fundamentally very different people.Dont know till now, how a hard core rationalist with his calculated nerves got along with chronic romantic like me.
Tonight over dinner, probably our last dinner for a very very long time, everything looked way too different. There were things about him I d gotten to know very recently, a slice of romance stuck away somewhere underneath all that seriousness, bursts of humor hidden away and a side of sensitivity that I dint have a clue existed.
He was going away to Australia for good. We promised to stay in touch across continents.yeah the distance loomed darkly at the back of our minds. But to hell with that. We all know that one can be a millions miles away in spite of standing next to you and vice versa. Distances are made and implemented in our heads.
And if not everything else, I believe he shares this one thing about distances not mattering. The home is where the heart is.
I don’t like change, the change that wipes out traces of affections, and a change that transforms friends into strangers. That change is not for me. It gladdens me to realize, that iv always fought to be this way,Samena and I share this amazing friendship though she s been away at France these 6 months.Teju and I have never failed to exchange mails though she s in uk.It gives me strength to know I can do the same again. Hold onto something that’s worth holding onto.
Learnt a ton from tonight. Time unfolds magical layers from people. That you should do some waiting before you conclude on someone. That you should do your best to build on something you ve started. Before its too late and you feel like you might have let some precious time slip into irrevocability.
For me ….this is an irrevocability that I will revoke as long as I can.
For you Rajath….
I wish I had watered this seed
We hid underground years ago.
It lay there
In the sun.in the heat, in the dryness.
Waiting for pregnant clouds
That never came
Then this wisp of wind,
Happened to slip a patch of cloud
Across this barren ground.
Thought we switched a button somewhere.
A sprinkle of rain, now n then.
Days of many suns,n destiny calls.
You left, by walking into my life.
With the seed sprouting its first leaf.

The most intriguing people Iv met this year.

The most intriguing people Iv met this year.

Every time I pass you by….
I see a side of you, I never did before………..

There are people you meet, hundreds of them everyday. Faces catch your attention. But there are others who don’t just let you see their faces, but their souls…And that doesn’t happen instantly. It happens like this. You take one look at them, nothing extraordinary, either plain,boring,or,repulsively shocking or just downright uninteresting, but hold on, what is it that keeps you hookhed?just cosmic energies that know all about the layers hidden underneath all that, that’s about to sweep you off your feet. Iv met a few of them this year. There are others who Iv met in the past, two of them have turned my best friends, but this year rocks. These are just ordinary people, two legged, two eyed. But strangely enough there is something bout them that got me thinking how insanely creative God can get.Intriging is the word, Its fascinating how people can be a strong capsule of explosive art…. Walking, talking, thinking, feeling art! Art with layers and layers of mystique.

“I can’t explain myself.Im afraid
Because I am not myself you see”
Vasu…Hmmmm..First day of college, we happened to sit next to each other, it was like fate flung us together. As usual I opened my tornado mouth and talked away; quite unaware of the poor girl shifting uneasily in her seat wondering what she was sitting next to.Whoa!! That is one quite, shy, reserved girl I thought.Oh man!! She hates me,looks like we never gonna hit it off. But something cliked, must have been a dash of cosmic energy. We just stuck. It’s like we connect on a whole new level… what do I call that level… spiritual? Aesthetic? Affectionate? Donno…just about everything.Endless sms ing,notebooks of written conversations between class hours, and chattering away to glory…and one of these days just silence would be enough to keep us together. We can talk and watch the world go by in a whizz. But I feel things have just begun between us, friendships are long, hard constructions, built with a labor of love.

“Let the universe burn……….”
Madhava, short and sweet, innocence and naivety written all over the face, and here s the important clause, one of God s most deceptively created creatures. I was in for a pleasant shock, and it dint seem to stop there but seemed to continue with everyday. For one thing it’s a small town boy, from Chippali, who takes I MA Eng class by storm. The teachers can’t seem to get enough of him, the seniors love him, and all of us are awe struck at the little genius of course. But he aint no divine angel!! Clarity on that one people! Phrases loaded with underhanded sarcasm, witty remarks of outstanding comedy, conversations decorated with the figures of speech, politically correct statements, now and then a dash of the postmodernistic insanity and here and there honest bursts of straightforward indignation. That’s Madhava… a perfect PARADOX. Never met one that did full justice to the word. I am full of respect for his multiple skills of photography, poetry, music, language and a list of others. A quick turn around to the back bench where I sit, a word or two exchanged, and there goes Madhava through my life, like a sliver.

“I lost my heart when I wore it on my sleeve”

Cherian Alexander..Tall, handsome, charming and ridiculously adorable. No m not talking bout some Hollywood dandy. It’s my Films Study professor.Ok ok I am into older men, but not that old hahaha.Sadly haven’t yet got to know him outside class personally, but that’s one of my new year top priority resolutions. But he s one of those people that you cant forget for all the right reasons. Some of those classes he took were more than that, they were profound sermons. I devour every word he speaks in class, totally.He s one of those rarest of human beings whose passionate soul resonates on his face. Between all that profundity, deep philosophy and romantic enthrallment are peculiar laughs, hilarious jokes and out of the world adorable facial expressions. This aint enough…bout him. He deserves a book to be written on him.

“Its love that makes the world go around”
I see…………………”
Sid….One of those fateful days, it was. I had my tests happening. And I happened to be terrible at time management, and there I was without my watch. Seated at the exam desk, I looked around panic-stricken wondering what to do, when this tall cheerful faced dude walks upto the desk and plops next to me when an idea occurred. I could ask him to place his watch in the middle. I thought. Peering at him sideways wondering if he would be sweet enough to help out, I did ask. I had asked for too much ,hehehehe.
Spent months smiling and nodding at each other in the hallways when we met by chance, without knowing each others names. One of those days we gotta talking and man was I astonished. I d never met such a talker, course Bojo is one, but not at the first go.
Only a week passed by and I had all my adjectives lined against him. Which are(Censored)…Cause they re not too flattering. Things dint get better after we met formally and started talking, in fact got even worse. I think there was this time we almost came to blows (wink).But the cosmic energies were at work again. While I was muttering away as to how typically scorpioish all the scorpions are, then something happened. Till now I would nt know what. Silver linings tumbled around that incredibly dark cloud, pockets of utopia were painted about the acopylypse, and fish could fly afterall.Go figure me out !!!
That’s what friendships are all about, you never know till you really know. And for all you Saggi gals who think Scorpio men are scum, and who happen to be interested in Sid, don conclude till you read his blog,hhahahahaha…

Nabokov:God of the sexual revolution?

Nabokov: God of the sexual revolution?
“…and she was mine…Naked, except for one sock and her charm bracelet…spread-eagled on the bed…”, writes Nabokov, in his Lolita. It’s the story of forty year old man, profusely “in love” with his twelve year old stepdaughter. Our film studies professor, with the lines of his face dancing in wonder and enthusiasm, proceeded to tell us the story of Nabakov’s Lolita. We gasped in disbelief (at least I did) at the ease and fervor at which he was talking about the genius of Nabokov’s “exceptionally well written”novel.My ethics seemed to toss me into terrible misgivings about the credibility of my teacher and I thought to my self “what has the darn world come to?”. Here we are sitting in a classroom talking about a repulsively psychotic pervert seducing his step child and talking about it like it was “wonder” that saved the world.
After awhile I had to stop myself and take back every derogatory word I ever thought, about my lecturer and the genius of a man “Nabokov”.
Apart from the novel being a true literary wonder, it began to shape itself to me as a book of profound truth and morality.Thats the power of binaries. Sometimes it is only profound pain that drives you to seek bliss. The experience of success is heightened in repeated failure. Therefore we realize the definition of one binary by experiencing the other.
Therefore Lolita to me became as lofty as the Bibles Song of Solomon. The clarity that Lolita offers to its readers is stark and so is its reality. “I have differentiated between, love and lust” says Nabokov, and by doing so he is telling us that such a lustful obsession will meet a fitting an end as that which the main characters of Lolita meet.
That is paradox of life, someone said, I don’t recollect who, “you find out the truth, by submerging yourself in lies”. And that’s what Lolita did to me; I saw the purity of it all from the repulsion that it evoked. Such books are magical, because they seek evolved souls to understand them, to unravel the secrets of truth that are otherwise hard to find. When you get hold of Lolita, do not open it with out putting on the spectacles of discernment. The book deserves it.

the baboon and the religion ibelong to

The baboon and the religion I belong to.
An interesting thing happened in college today. In one of our humanities classes, an anecdote was shared by a teacher. She had asked a class that she was teaching to write a piece on the evolution of the baboons, as supposedly they shared several characteristics with us humans. This is what she said she noticed. There were several Christian students who narrated the Darwin’s theory of evolution was the popular “scientific” belief ,but concluded that they do not believe in it because they believe in a certain religion that taught them that God created the heavens and the earth and everything in it in seven days. And so, the teacher said that one ought not to be confined to a boxed idea, but be open to rational thought.
“Well said’ I thought and perfectly rational. But then is everything about our world rational? I can’t answer that question, because I do not know the answer. I am in the twilight of knowing and yet not knowing. Being in the twilight is firstly about asking questions, numerous questions. Answers will come when they will.
So then am I saying that Darwin can go to hell for all I care? Evolution is Darwin’s truth, it need not become mine. I will have to find my own. The truth to why I am here? And what made me be?
Neither will I tell you to make my truth yours. I can only tell my truth when I find it, but I cannot make you believe it. And that’s why this twilight is special. It helps you believe in what you are called to believe. And that’s what the story of the baboon’s evolution did to me. Made me wonder about that truth which is exclusively mine.

Your twilight and mine
Twilight is a beautiful word.we all knows it’s that incredibly short part of the day that happens before sun set and surise.The dictionary chooses to describe it as “partial darkness” or “partial light”. I guess I will go with “partial light”. It doesn’t kill to be on the brighter side of things. And that’s why it’s a beautiful word because it can go both ways. Your twilight is different from mine, in terms of how long it lasts. But then maybe our twilights are not as short and fleeting as they are supposed to be. Saki s twilight has lasted long, maybe longer than it should. Neither darkness nor light, neither knowledge nor ignorance, neither pain nor pleasure. Not the twilight of indifference, but of a passionate journey, a journey to know…to live. Twilights don’t last for ever, neither should they. It’s too dangerous to live in the twilight all your life. A place where vacuums don’t cease to multiply, but go on gnawing from the inside.
It’s a twilight that evolves into perpetual light. A twilight that intrigues, evoking a maddening urge to fill up, to feel complete. Where incredible pain drives you to seek bliss, where sickening confusion leads to clarity and cruel desperation is satisfied. That’s the journey of the twilight. Where darkness and light meet to contend for your soul. And in that meeting place, you stand alone to make the ultimate choice. This is your twilight, as well as mine.

twilight

Between night and day
Between dark and light
In longing of rapid evolution
But trapped in twilight